So, a while back I decided to do this thing where people (mostly friends) could anonymously ask me random questions and I answer some, if not most of them, in random blogs. (It’s also good practice for the essay portion of the GRE). Well, I totally forgot that I even did that and when I looked at my inbox today (as in 3 minutes ago), I have a couple in there that I felt would be fun to answer. And by a couple, I mean around, like, 2 (out of 7 or so), so it’s not really a bunch, but hey, quality or quantity. I do have to say though, that some of them are really thought provoking, even borderline personal, and, as it stands, I really don’t feel like answering those ‘serious’ questions right now (^_^). So for now, here are 2 anonymous questions that I chose to answer.
How has your foray into online dating gone so far? Any success? What advice would you give to someone to make them more attractive or appealing?
Good question, good question! Well, as I wrote in a previous blog, it’s totally not what I expected, which, if you read it, I explained my thoughts and my gripes about the online dating scene. If you could even call it a scene. In the last 3 1/2 – 4 years, I have personally come a long way in the self development department and I can 110% say, without a doubt, that online dating is most definitely not for me. I’ve come to terms that I am different – as in I’m old school, chivalrous and genuine – basically essential qualities that are severely lacking in most of the popular online dating sites. Albeit ‘chivalrous’ is not a quality I’m looking for in a woman; not many women on those free sites are looking for someone or something genuine – more or less they are looking for something to ‘play around with’. Which I, unfortunately, no longer have time or interest to entertain. Although, I have yet to try eHarmony – I had a friend who met his current wife on that site, so, perhaps, if push comes to shove in the near distant future, I may consider paying for a dating site. But naaaaaah, I don’t think it will come to that. I hope.
Anyway, I’m at the point in my life right now where there isn’t any room for online dating (or playing games), so I guess I’m going to stay single for just a bit longer. However, I did meet this one girl that seemed genuine enough… not sure if I covered it in a previous blog a while back, but, long story short – we got along real well – same interests, loves her family, down to earth, just… ok, I know this might seem kind of superficial (kind of), but, if you go on a first date with someone, you would want to ‘dress to impress’ right? Or is that just me being old school? Or a dick? Anyway, I felt that she was expecting me to be another random guy who looked nothing like his profile picture and boom, right when we met, I’m either exactly what she saw online or I totally exceeded her expectations that night. I’m thinking the latter is what happened. Always dress for the job you want is what I always say – I treat first dates like a job interview, because that’s basically what it is; you are getting to know the other person on personal level and attitude and dress are a big part of making a first impression. In other words, I came dressed for the job and she didn’t.
Anyway, after that, I was totally turned off from dating sites, even though I still had a profile up. It wasn’t like I was actively seeking someone, but I kinda just had it up just in case someone popped up who I felt was genuine enough and worth my time. Which, since then, has been probably less than 7. So, long story short, I ended deleting all my online dating profiles and I am winging it right now. And how’s that going, you might ask? Well, it’s going – recently, been meeting what some would consider quantity over quality, so… I honestly don’t know. I’m looking but I’m not looking, is what I always say.
And as for making yourself more attractive? I’m not sure if you mean by an attractive online profile? Or attractive physically? Well, first off, what makes a girl attractive (since I’m a guy, but I’m sure its the same vice versa) is that she is real. And by real I mean she doesn’t put up a front like, ‘Oh I like this and that’ but in reality she really doesn’t; someone genuine, who can speak their mind and someone you feel comfortable being yourself around is someone that, in my opinion, makes one attractive. So what can you do, to be more attractive? Be yourself. If a girl or guy doesn’t like who you are at normal conditions, what makes you think he/she is going to like you when you are being weird? Being yourself is the easiest way to weed out whether or not someone is deserving of your time. Because let’s face it: time is precious – I don’t have time to play this ‘Oh I’m a cool guy’ and ‘I drive an expensive car’ game. If a girl doesn’t like my weirdness, lame jokes and doesn’t like whiskey, then I’ve already swiped right in my head.
Secondly, if you don’t think you are physically attractive, I feel there are two roads you can take: one, work out or two, be comfortable with who you are. If you feel like you could lose a couple pounds and I mean YOU genuinely believe that and aren’t being goaded by someone else into losing weight, then by all means go for it. As long as you are doing it because YOU want to do it. Do things for yourself. It’s ok to be selfish. Seriously. And if someone has something to say about you physically, then fuck them – all that really matters in this life, what it really comes down to, is whether or not you are happy with yourself. Look, just because someone doesn’t like the way you look or thinks you have this imperfection, doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone out there that also see’s it as an imperfection – they might see it as a perfect imperfection. Why would you want to be with someone who only likes you physically? Who only values what you look like? How you act like? The answer is you shouldn’t.
Anyway, I felt that kind of went off on the deep end somewhat – I just have this thing where my friends seem to tell me the same story over and over again that some guy or girl thinks something is wrong with them when I don’t see anything wrong with them. Gotta love yourself before you can love someone else, you know what I mean?
Why do you like The Weeknd so much?
Damn I was waiting for someone to ask this question. And I can already guess who might have asked. So, for those of you who don’t know, The Weeknd is my favorite artist, with around 2 – 3 more that I listen to on the daily.
Years ago, when The Weeknd first came onto the scene, I seriously did not understand him – his hair, his music, his popularity. I wouldn’t say I hated The Weeknd, I just thought he was another one of those gimmicky r&b guys who sang about sex and drugs and shit. BUT, let me tell you, you will not understand The Weeknd if you’ve been a ‘goody fucking goody‘ your whole life. There is no way you can relate to his music. Obviously, that isn’t the only stipulation where you wouldn’t understand or get The Weeknd’s music – it’s just a theme that I noticed among those who appreciate his music. I took the time to listen to his album “Beauty Behind The Madness” before his older ones (while on one, might I add) and HOLY. SHIT. It just clicked. Like damn. (and yes I am listening to The Weeknd right now). This guy is singing about shit I used to do. And be. And a part of me right now lives through his music because I know that I’m not that way anymore – but it’s fun to reminisce and wish I was like that right now – to those days when shit didn’t matter and everything was all fun and games. And not even just that – he sings about real shit, like, what people my age went through or are still going through. For example, his song “In The Night“, when I first heard it, I was like hey this has a cool beat, but as I listened deeper to the lyrics, holy. shit. I know a girl like this. Talking about doing something you never planned to do but was forced into it because of circumstance and as an outsider looking in at said girl, I can totally understand his and her feelings on the situation. And that’s pretty much what did it for me – his songs talk about real shit and not this bubblegum pop or mumble rap or hip hop that sounds exactly like the last song that was played bull shit that is taking over the radio stations now.
Besides bringing back memories of people and places and things I used to do, I listen to The Weeknd more when I’m stuck – as in when some depressing shit happens or I just can’t seem to be positive; his songs give me comfort for some reason. Especially The Birds part 1 – most of the time I feel like that – I am hard to love and I love too hard; there’s no reason for some average girl to be in that deep with me – it takes a certain kind of girl to really get to know me and, to eventually, love me, so if they don’t got that in them, then I’m gone. There’s no use holding on, for both of us. It won’t mean a thing to me, cause I’ve been doing this too long. Really. The Hills, Real Life, Starboy, Party Monster, Reminder, Love To Lay, A Lonely Night, Attention, Ordinary Life, All I know, Die For You… all have memories and feelings attached to them. Even old ones like Wanderlust, Might Not, The Birds Part 1 and 2, XO Host, Coming Down, Gifted, One Of Those Nights, Drunk In Love, … daaaamn.
So, to all those salty ass niggas out there who are on my nuts about why I only listen to The Weeknd, that is the real reason why I listen to The Weeknd – not because I don’t know that there are other artists out there, but because he embodies something I used to be or used to do – not everyone has lived a sheltered life and not everyone is as good of a guy or good girl they claim to be, as I’m sure any real person out there can attest to. And I mean, sometimes you just want to do that shit again. Sometimes shit happens in life where you just don’t want to give a fuck and just want fuck around again – no strings attached. You know? Everyone has a devil on their lap with a cross on their neck. Just, some people keep it in check better than others. And others, like myself, grew out of that life. But I digress. Music is supposed to speak to your soul, not just give you a quick eargasm – it’s about the lyrics, the tone, the melody. It takes a certain kind of soul to jive with The Weeknds music – I know mine does.
And you can already guess why I wrote the blog titled “Attention” – if not, give it a read.
And that, ladies and gents, concludes the first (and hopefully, not last) random ABML (Ask Boy Meets Life). If you enjoy reading my responses to random shit, just bored af or have something you want to ask, serious or not, send them to –
Until next time :]