The Lobster

Image result for lobster cartoonYou. Yes. YOU. You know who you are. I have known only ONE person in my WHOLE life who is neurotic (or obsessed?) enough to try and break into anything that I put a password on. For anything. Especially here. And you know what? I will forever think it’s the cutest thing. I think if anyone else did it I’d get pissed, but you? Nah. Plus, dude, no one else would have known that specific password. Seriously though. You didn’t think I’d notice the sudden ‘influx‘ of how many views that specific one got? At least it wasn’t like 70 something like the last time right? Hahahaha… You are hilarious. I’m not sure if you managed to crack it, but seeing as how there’s only a handful of views that suddenly stop on something that was password protected, it could either mean A, you read it or B, you realized that I was going to see it and stopped, only to continue on another day.

I’m choosing to assume that the former is the case, and I realize that if you did read it, it probably wasn’t something you wanted to read, even though the title was presumably something only you and I would both know. You know. Cuz of history. And shit.


Good news is, this one really is the one thing that both of us would know, so, you can definitely assume it’s meant for you. And since you seem soooo keen on low key stalking I mean reading what I write instead of hearing my voice or seeing me in person to hear my voice or even face timing me, as Mario would say, “Herea wea gooo!”

Hey Lobster, how ya been? Hows the fam? AND WTF YOU STILL KNOW MY PASSWORD/S???? FUCK MAN HAVEN’T YOU FORGOTTEN THEM YET? LMAO. Its ok… I don’t think I’ve forgotten yours either ahaahahaha. Or your address. I think. Anyway, just don’t do anything shady with it OK??? So… It’s funny cuz my girl friend who’s always right about everything I’ve ever asked her about (apparently I think with my heart and she thinks with her head, so together we make a great team, or would make the perfect androgynous human-thing if we ever fused together), especially with something very recently, (which is a story for another time), still thinks that you are my lobster for some reason. And I mean I don’t think she’s wrong in that regard, I mean, seeing as how only one person would try that freaken hard to read something that only you and I would know. Yeah, yeah, I can see your face in my minds eye, you all smirking and saying I’m a jackass or an asshole under your breath (see? After all this time I still know you hahahah. And now you’re chuckling. I can keep going but I won’t lol).

Anyway, it’s been awhile since we last chatted and I mean, you can text me or call me instead of trying to ‘hack’ into one of my blogs you know? You already know why I don’t call you, so, I figure, or still figure actually, whenever you are ready, you would give me a ring. I’m not mad or anything, I mean I was that day, but only that day. I know you gotta do you and I’m doing me atm, or have been doing me for awhile, and sometimes we just can’t do each other at the same time. Er, I mean, we can’t do what we need to do together. Jesus you get what I mean. Anyway, I get it. So, I’m pretty sure you know what’s been up with me lately, since apparently yesterday was the best day for my WordPress this whole year, but let me fill you in (or reiterate what you already may or may not know). Let’s see… I’m still taking my GRE’s and I am studying from my GRE review book, I hate the math section, fuck math, I am considering doing out of state like our friend did that went to New Mexico for her master’s but we’ll see,  I’m going to take a class or two at mira costa, still looking for a part time to fund my drug habit, I had my second annual pool party AKA Spring Love 2017 hahahaha (I wanted to invite you and and your cousins cuz apparently my cousin likes you now for some reason -___-, but I didn’t. For… reasons… Maybe the next one sometime in June or July?)

OH! And I saw Alex and Sheila finally got married! I didn’t see any pics of you in random albums though, did you go? Weren’t you supposed to be singing or something? And, I know, to answer the most pressing question on your mind, the question that everyone seems asks me within the first 5 minutes of seeing me, the one and only question people seem to care about, and the answer is (drum roll please) – no, I still don’t have a girlfriend. “What the fuck?! What? Really? Why not? That’s messed up! Aren’t you looking? It should be easy for you!” Yes, yes, I’ve gotten those exact same reactions for awhile now. Damn, if I had a dollar for every time I heard those words… I’d be… a hundredaire. HAHAHA… Actually, you know what, why don’t we just hit up the sake brewery like we used do? Like that one day we were supposed to have a drink and catch up but you bailed on me like the biggest asshole in the world? Even though we were literally 200 feet away from it. Remember that day? Do you? Cuz I do. Very vividly in fact. Hahaha… You know, when your ‘all good‘ again. Too much to write about in one blog. Seriously.

I know we are both in different places in our lives  right now and what not, but hey, for what it’s worth, just want to let you know that you’ll always be my lobster, as I’m sure I’ll always be to you. Even if it is in the metaphorical sense. (Meaning like, on paper, you are my lobster, even though in real life you aren’t. Oh you knew what metaphorical meant? Sorry, old habits LMAO). So, if you need to talk or catch up or vent about you know who, you know how to reach me. I’ll always be here, like the “great guy” I am (cuz apparently that’s what great guys do and I say that with the hugest fucking sigh ever. Yeah, I got stories on stories to tell you). And no, I didn’t block your # so… OHHHH if you’re ever up in my neighborhood we can just drink here and jump in the jacuzzi since I still apparently have a shit ton of alcohol left over from the party AND we can catch up on all the scary movies we’ve missed. And we’ve missed A LOT. Only thing you’d be spending is your time. Or money on another bottle, cuz, you know how you and I get when we draaank together… since apparently you my ultimate drankin partner HAHAHA! Anyway, that’s all I got for now.

As The Weeknd would say, “Girl, I’m just another bird”


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