I happened to watch an old YouTube video from a person who I haven’t bothered to watch in a while – primarily because I was ‘all good’. I found said persons YouTube videos a couple years back by chance and he helped me to, I guess, overcome a lot of personal obstacles in my life at the time and also having to deal with fallout from a certain life changing event. It was purely by accident also, that I even watched his videos all those years back. I remember I was just going through my feed and I saw this “How To Think Less And Live More – The Paralysis of Analysis”. So I clicked it and it was pretty much the jumping point to the type of mentality I have today. Although, I have to say, I still do think a lot haha so… but the point wasn’t was about thinking a lot – so much as it was about doing something with all that damn thinking. Make decisions, live in the now. Stop teetering on the fence of life and dying without knowing.
Well… sometimes we go through life thinking we are all good inside and we lose track of who we are and what we set out to do. In this case, I slowly lost sight, or rather, I slowly lost the message of his ‘paralysis of analysis’. Sometimes, we need to take a step back a bit to reinvigorate our primary drive – ok I see that kind of sounded like a sci-fi reference, let me say it in another way: Sometimes, we need to just take a step back, breathe, remember and remind ourselves what we set out to do, what our goals are and what our mantra in life is. Mine has always been the, “If I think it, I do it” mantra, coupled with being positive and caring etc., but recently… I’ve kind of been stuck in the ‘too much damn analysis’ of things. Recently, ok, it’s actually been building up for the last couple months, I’ve been thinking too damn much on something that is most likely obviously right in front of my face. To do or not to do? To ask or not to ask? To be stuck on this fence with one foot over and one foot back? Worried about making the wrong decision? Making no decision is worse than making the wrong decision – for at least you made a decision.
JFC… I just remembered a conversation I had with a good friend of mine about this girl he was in love with at the time. Mini story time –
We were driving one night and he was asking me whether or not he should email her or call her or tell her he liked her or something like that. I listened to his questions and concerns and then I told him that – “It is better to know than not to know, right? You don’t want to be in the future and think back on this moment and say ‘I wonder what would have happened if I did this’ or ‘I wonder what could have been if…’. All the would’ve, could’ve, should’ves are worse, are way worse, than knowing that said girl didn’t like you back. Wouldn’t you rather know something wasn’t going to work out instead of always having this nagging, wondering feeling your whole life? I mean what if you did talk to her and it turned into something more and yall got married? Right? You’ll never know, and you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you didn’t. At any rate, at least if you knew then that would be the end of it – you wouldn’t have any regrets because there aren’t any regrets to be had.” So, after much hesitation, he ended up emailing and talking to her and then after that, nothing from her. No reply, no nothing. So I said I know that it sucked, but at least you did something about it instead of sitting, waiting, wishing there and wondering what it could’ve been, should’ve been, or might’ve been.
And now, for some stupid ass reason, I can’t seem to take my own advice. I mean seriously? So I had a mini pep talk with my good friend, or a ‘tough love’ session, which is nice because sometimes, you’re just so tired and don’t want to be the strong one and need someone else to take your place, even if it’s just for a couple minutes. Anyway, it ended with her saying, and I quote, “SWEAR TO GOD IM TELLING YOU ALL THESE THINGS AND YOUR FEAR IS SO GREAT THAT YOU CAN’T DO SOMETHING UNTIL ITS TOO LATE“. You know, I just realized that rhymed. I wonder if she did also? HAHAHA… anyway…
She is right. I just needed to hear it from someone else. I just needed to hear what I already knew deep down inside – I just needed a reminder. (Great Weeknd song btw)
Like I said, sometimes we need to take a step back, breathe and remind ourselves of who we are and how fucking awesome of a person we all are, how much we are all worth and to stop being paralyzed from over analyzing things; The energy you give out is the kind of energy you will receive back, and if you are a positive person, then only positive things will happen to you. Well, most of the time. You still gotta deal with an asshole here and there, but still.
So, where does this leave me now, after taking this time to reset, recharge and and remind myself of what a fucking awesome human being I am?
What was the title of this blog again? Who’s It Gonna Be?
…well guess what?
It’s Gonna Be ME