So I know that I was ‘supposed‘ to write about ‘Good Guys’ as the topic for tonight, but I decided on doing something a little more personal than ‘Good Guys’. Don’t worry, I’ll write about those damn hard to find guys in another blog. But for now, I want to bring up a topic that I feel is always in the back of everyone’s minds but never bothers to do/say anything about it – which is, “Why do we have to wait for something to happen, good or bad, before we do anything about it? Before it stirs us? Before it means something to us?
Case in point – if you had an incurable disease and the doctor told you that you only had exactly 30 days left on this earth, what would you do? What would you like to accomplish? What would you want to say?
WHY do we have to wait for something like this for us to SAY what we want, to DO what we want to do, to BE what we want to be? Why are we held back by the notion of longevity? Who says we even have a tomorrow? Tonight you could go to sleep, all fine and dandy and that would be the last memory you would have – because after that, there would be nothingness; just blank space, no continuation of you. Why do we use time to limit ourselves and what we want to accomplish?
I know its kind of a depressing topic to talk about, but it’s something that I always think about for some reason. Like, what makes us believe we have a tomorrow? What impetus do we have to believe we have a tomorrow?
Personally, I believe it’s because we don’t ever think about the finite sense of life – for some reason, we all think that life is ‘forever‘ – if not forever, then for a long ass time; a time that we won’t see ourselves affected by.
Let me ask, though, how many of you, who are reading this right now, have ever lost a loved one? Have ever lost a friend? Or even lost an acquaintance that you barely knew? What did you think? What did you say? Can you look yourself in the mirror and say that you did/said everything you wanted to the person who is no longer in your life?
Of course not.
Because we don’t think about the end.
My point is, we go through our daily routine day after day after day – and how much of that day do we spend telling people who mean something to us that they mean something to us? How much do we take for granted the people around us?
It’s like, why do we have to wait till we find out that a close friend, a friend, our mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, brother or sister have some incurable illness or is in a coma that we change the way we think and act? Change the things we say and do?
I always imagine that, if I only had one year left to live, one year left to see everyone that meant something to me, what would I do? What would I want to accomplish? What would I want to say to them?
I wouldn’t be scared of what they’d think. I wouldn’t care if I told them that I appreciated them as a friend and they told me that they didn’t see me in that same way. I wouldn’t care if I told the girl that I secretly had feelings for that I liked her and that I wanted to be something more than friend but she didn’t feel the same way. I’m gonna die anyway right? So why give a shit?
Why do we even give a shit? Why do we have to wait to know we are going to die to NOT care? Is it shame? The negative comments? Is it because we don’t want to be the first one to put everything on the line only for it to blow up in our faces?
WHY DO WE EVEN CARE?
The honest truth is, we shouldn’t : but we do. We care because we believe that there will be a tomorrow where said person/s will remember our shame and bring us down for it; we care because we feel like we have something to lose.
BUT WHAT IF WE DIDN’T CARE, WHAT IF WE HAD NOTHING TO LOSE?
Which is why, I suppose, I choose to surround myself with the people I do. The people who are close to me don’t give a fuck – they don’t care what people think. Mostly. Because, why care about someone else’s opinion that you aren’t ever gonna see again? Or rather, ever talk to again? Why even be a friend if you aren’t going to live up to what a friend is supposed to be?
Look people – time is finite. It isn’t something that will be on your side – it is something that will always be against you.
With that said, please : tell the people who mean something to you, anything to you, no matter how big or small, how much they mean to you – even if it sounds fucking stupid, retarded etc. Because, what if, at that moment, that you tell them that ‘hey, you are one of my best friends and I wouldn’t trade you for anything’ or ‘I really like you, you are special to me and I want us to be more than what we are’ or even ‘I forgive you’… and you cease to exist the next morning. Or The next afternoon…
STOP leaving people wondering where they stand with you or how much they mean to you – or how much you care about them or how much of an impact they are in your life. Because once you’re gone, they’ll never know… and imagine not knowing what your best friend thought of you, or your brother, or your parents… and vice versa.
Whatever it is you want to say, whatever it is you want to do in your life, you SHOULD FUCKING DO IT AND NOT GIVE A SHIT WHAT ANYONE WILL THINK OR WHAT THE OUTCOME WILL BE
It’s better to know what that outcome is than to be stuck wondering your whole fucking life the ‘what ifs’, and ‘should’v would’ve and could’ve’ s’.
If someone were to write a story about your life, what would it say?
Just… pretend that everyday is your last, until it is your last – and do and say everything you want to the people who mean something to you. Don’t wait till they are no longer here, to memorialize them, to remember them, to say quietly in your head how much they meant to you.
If you love someone, love them with all your heart and don’t be afraid of getting hurt – better to exhibit love than to pretend you don’t love someone, but in actuality, do.
Or, as Tennyson would say,
” ‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all”.
Seriously. Fuck the bullshit and just
Perfection, Through Silence
“Alone at last, together in a photograph
Our eyes are always open
Devoted to perfection…through silence
What am I supposed to do?
Should I sit, wait for you?
Listen to me screaming
This story is old
Only to those that have no mold
The truth can be bought or sold
But what are we buying?
Nothing but silence
What am I supposed to do?
Should I sit, wait for you?
Listen to me screaming more…
Fold the corners, break the silence…
Fold the corners, just for tonight
Fold the corners, break the silence…”
Well… that was some seriously fucking depressing shit. Who are the “Good Guys” and who is my “Stalker”???????