Sooooooo…. today didn’t go as planned, but then again, when does any plan go ‘as planned’? Outcome was still the same, the execution wasn’t as ‘grand’ as what I’d expected though.
Perhaps it was because my day started out on the wrong foot. Sometimes I wish I didn’t look at social media in the morning. But if I didn’t, I’d be sitting in my car for an hour not doing anything just listening to music. Anyway, saw something I didn’t really appreciate on one of my social media sites and that kind of brought me down a notch for the morning. Tried hard to not let that stop me but I guess it took the better of me and I was pretty down until I had lunch with the squad and they made it a little better.
Anyway, so basically I was just sort of stressing about when to ask her, since the ppg (group of girls that sit next to me) wouldn’t let it go and kept pestering me to ask her. Anyway, I know I’m gonna sound like a highschooler who’s asking a girl out on his first date, but it kind of really is; I never had to ask girls out in HS, it kinda just happened or they asked me. So, this being the real deal where I actually am attracted ‘first’ to a girl and I am having to take charge of it, is kind of nerve wracking. Anyway, before lunch I saw her get up to go to the bathroom. I was like, its now or never dude, go do it! So, I waited a minute and got up and walked out. Just so happened she was coming back from the bathroom and I was about to go out of the door when she opened it, saw me, smiled and held the door open. Damn, I thought she was in the break room. Well, +1 to getting that smile though right?
During our second break we passed eachother again and this time she full blown cheezed at me when I passed her and I smiled back.
Why? I have no clue.
Then I was supposed to ask her when I got back but the plan I had concoted with the work bae didn’t work out, so I ended up group emailing her if anyone was down to get drinks after work. She emailed me separately and said she couldn’t go but to let her know the next time.
So, in essence, I did ask her, just not the way I wanted to, and not for the actual event I wanted for her to go to.
I guess in some way I asked this other girl, a new girl, in our department if she wanted to come get drinks, as some ‘consolation’ since I couldn’t get the girl I wanted; but I thought about it, and I feel most of the time i’ve settled for the ‘consolation prizes’, instead of actually working for the thing that I want. And no this isn’t just directed toward relationships, but life as well; always settled for second, third or fourth best, and I’m tired of doing so. I mean I have no problem with being rejected (although if it did happen it would be the first in, what, forever) but at this point in my life I’m so comfortable with myself that I don’t really care if it happens or not (rejection). I would rather know for sure than to go to bed dreaming of what might have happened. Also not just directed toward relationships but to life.
With that said, and after a couple drinks with 2 of my friends and talking about ways I should go about this, the consensus is JUST FUCKING DO IT.
With that said, I am just going to do it. I’m just gonna go into work tomorrow in a idgaf mood and just ask.
Down, but not out; round two starts tomorrow.