So, a couple of weeks ago, I noticed this empty can of Yuban ‘original’ coffee sitting on the counter. Really? Does NO ONE put anything away here any more? I picked it up and jiggled it, just to make sure there was nothing inside of it. After confirming that there indeed wasn’t anything left inside, I dumped it in the trash can. Sorry, the recycling bin. I then went about my day as I usually did. A of couple of hours later, I went downstairs to the kitchen to get some water. As I stood next to the fridge waiting for my glass to fill with water, I took a quick glance at the kitchen counter and there, sitting in the exact spot, was the empty can of Yuban ‘original’ coffee that I swore I threw away (recycled) a couple hours ago. Thinking that I probably didn’t really throw it away and that I just ‘imagined’ I did (recycled), I again picked it up, jiggled it around to make sure it was empty, and casually threw it back into the recycle bin.
The next morning I went downstairs to begin my morning ritual, which consisted of opening all the shutters/blinds, turning on the coffee machine and making myself some green tea with macha. I recently gave up on coffee because I realized that I was addicted to it and couldn’t function without it (which was a horrible 5 days of head- aches and feelings of vertigo). So, I switched to green tea (any type of tea actually, I usually just have green tea in the morning), and have been coffee free for the last 5 months. As I was waiting for the water to boil, I checked my phone for updates like I usually do. Oh, look, someone is interested in me. Oh wait, a fake profile. Sigh. Checked my emails. None. Double sigh. My stomach began to rumble, so I went into the pantry and brought out some oatmeal. I went to the cabinet to grab a bowl and as I brought the bowl down to the counter, I noticed a familiar gold/black carton sitting next to the coffee machine. Yuban ‘original’ coffee. What. The. Hell? Did I not just throw this thing away yesterday?
Feeling plenty irritated, I picked it up, shook it around, but this time I opened it. I don’t know why, it’s not like there’s something inside that is magically controlling this coffee tin to take itself out of the recycling bin when no one is looking… Right?
Ok. Someone in this house is fucking with me. What other possible reason could there be? I mean, sure, my mom has weird habits where she likes to ‘save’ plenty of useless things because she ‘thinks’ she can use them somewhere down the line (like party trays, old coffee mugs, any food container from Costco, water bottles of differing sizes, old cereal boxes, used and reused zip-lock bags… and the list goes on), but why this can? I took it again and forcefully placed it on the bottom of the recycling bin, placing all the things that were there previously on top of the can. Then, I slammed the cabinet shut, as if that would scare it into not coming back out. The water began to boil so I got my cup and poured it over my green tea bag. The rest of the day turned out pretty normal. I guess I showed it who’s boss. When I saw my mom I asked if she was the one taking the can of Yuban out of the recycling bin and she said ‘No, I thought you threw that thing away yesterday?’. Sigh. Yes, I did throw it away yesterday but… I just decided not to tell her what happened.
The next couple of days were pretty normal. Same routine, same deal. I haven’t played piano in a while, so I decided to go to the piano room to practice some music. I head there, sat down and began to play. I realized that the top wasn’t open (it produces louder, less restrictive sounding… sounds), so I stood up and what the shit, the can of Yuban is sitting on the top of my piano! Ok, so by this time, I’m sort of freaked out and angry that this thing won’t stay in its place among the other recyclables. This time, I picked it up, squeezed it real hard, went outside to our big blue/green recycling bin, threw it in and slammed the lid down. I even placed a box on top of the bin, just in case there was something… supernatural going on. Come to think of it, it probably was something supernatural, because the next few days were beyond explainable. I won’t take the time to describe the next few days, but instead show you pictures of where this… thing ended up appearing:
Ok. Enough is enough. There was some insidious paranormal activity going on here and I didn’t know what the hell to do. I mean, it wasn’t a malignant entity, it was just a fucking annoying one. If it thought it was funny, it wasn’t. I started thinking what I did the last couple days, weeks and even months, backtracking to see if I may have accidentally done something to bring this annoying thing into our house. Did I read from a book I wasn’t supposed to? Did I make some type of evil pact while throwing up in the toilet, forever swearing never to drink alcohol ever again? Did I run over a squirrel? I couldn’t think of what could possibly… and then it hit me: I gave up drinking coffee four months ago. But why now? Why now is all this happening? Does it want me to make one last cup of coffee before it goes onto it’s eternal rest in recycling trash heaven before it is reincarnated into yet another Yuban coffee tin? Or something… more sinister? I was out of options. I didn’t want to get hooked on coffee again, but I didn’t want to keep throwing this damn thing into the recycling bin every other hour, so I took one for the team: I made 2 cups of coffee. Not just any coffee: Yuban ‘original’ coffee. I stood there and waited for it to brew. Checked my phone. Oh look, someone is interested in me. Oh wait, another fake profile. Sigh. Ding. The coffee machine finished. I poured it into my cup and took it straight. I wanted this thing to know I meant serious business (and wasn’t sure if I used creamer/sugar it would have the same… effect). I took the can and plopped it right in front of me. I stared at it menacingly for a full minute before I downed the coffee (which I probably shouldn’t have since it was freaken hot as hell). With burning mouth, I soldiered on, confident that this was the only way to end this paranormal activity. I slammed the cup down on the counter in a show of dominance (then I quickly drank cold water out of the faucet, because, you know, burning mouth). I took the God forsaken can for the last time, went outside to the recycle bin and threw it in. For good measure and as a show of defiance, I got my green tea that I made that morning and and poured it into the bin, as if to say ‘I will never drink coffee for as long as I live!’. I closed the lid and made the sign of the cross. As I turned to leave though, I swore I heard some type of hissing, like the sounds rice crispies make when you pour milk on them. But I guess that’s more of a snap, crackle, pop come to think of it… Oh well. There. It is finished.
As of this writing, life pretty much returned to normal after that. I wasn’t addicted to coffee again and I haven’t seen that stupid black/gold can (or any other like it) for a long time now. One curious morning though, I went downstairs to make myself some green tea, like I usually did. Put water on the pot and waited for it to boil, you know, like I usually did. Took my phone out to see if I got any messages (you know the deal: fake profiles, no email, sigh). Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar shape: cylindrical and covered in black… and gold… son of a… I walked to the table and immediately opened it, because I swear to God if it’s the same can from back then… but there were coffee grounds inside. I breathed a sigh of relief to know that it wasn’t the same stupid can from before. As I put the lid back on, I noticed a small dent on the side of the can… And another one, and another one… with scratches on the metal sides of the can… that could only have gotten there if it was forcefully gripped and slammed into something hard… or violently thrown around without any regard… No, it can’t be…
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