Match Maker, Find Me A Match!

MaculineP589_gsI am a noob at this online dating thing. The last time I ‘online dated’ was waaaaaaay back, when AIM was in fashion and going into Yahoo! chatrooms trying to ‘pick’ up a girl was the in thing (A/S/L anyone?). Fast forward 14 years later (yes, I know…), I have quickly learned three things: one, I feel the majority of guys fall into the ‘desperate’ category and would settle for any girl (not me though!), men seem to outnumber women and three, I am one picky dude!

Girls have it easy on these dating sites, what with men outnumbering women 5:1 it seems. Girls can be picky and choosey, while it seems that most guys just message any girl with a nice face. Me? No way. I actually read their profiles and then choose to message them. Most messages these girls get (according to female users) range from creepy to wontonly pedohillic.  A website where everyone is judged by an angled headshot or a half-seen full body, is there really such a thing as an ‘ideal’ way to go about messaging people? What do you even start off with? (Obviosly not with a dick pic). A simple ‘Hi’ most of the time, no, 100% of the time, will not get a response back. I have tried this. I would type “Hi” with an attatched :). Nope. Nothing. So I tried something different. I said ‘Hi’ and asked this one girl how her Christmas went (this being the first time I used OkCupid) and I got a response. Dang was I giddy. She told me about her Christmas and asked me about mine. So I told her. And that was the end of that conversation. Really? I mean, was she expecting me to ask her out or something after one reply? If so she is one easy girl. A month and a half later I come to find out shes friends with my friend on FB. I saw a comment from a picture I remembered so well. So, I did a little FB snooping (snooping is not stalking) and looked at her pics… and well, damn… I guess there was a reason she only had four pictures on OkCupid… yeah… totally not what I was expecting.

I messaged another girl I found interesting, since we not only matched 95% (holy cheese balls) but we had almost the same personality type and we liked going to comedy clubs (always a plus). So, I began the message with the usual, “Hi :)” and made it nerdy/quirky (because obviously that is what her personality ‘type’ was, she even said so herself): “Hi 🙂 So, I noticed that we are both 5% away from that coveted 100% match! Now this could mean one of two things: one, you totally saw my awesome profile and sneakily decided to change all of your answers to match mine so we would both match or two, we are just two normally awesome people who should totally hang out sometime” or something like that, I forget, I deleted my OkCupid profile. An hour later I went on because I was bored and remembered I had crafted one of the quirkiest messages ever and checked on my messages. Well, she was online but I received no messages. Ok, cool I’ll go to bed and check tomorrow. So tomorrow (today) I check and no messages. The worst thing is she was online also and totally ignored my message. I felt bummed. That was the best message I have ever sent a random girl! Is online dating this hard? Even ‘matched’ individuals don’t care about being ‘matched’? I think honestly though, if that quirky message didn’t work to drop panties then nothing will work. And don’t tell me to be blunt, I don’t roll like that. Unless women don’t like the chase anymore, then well, my old chivalrous heart won’t find any woman on these dating sites. Unless their cougars… I think I can do cougars… HAHAHA just kidding.

With that said, I created a profile and it looks a lot more, adult, for lack of better words, than OkCupid. Adult in the sense where it’s more legit; they have ways to check if your a real person (girl or guy) and there is a wait until your profile is activated. On OkCupid I saw the same girl with a different screen name three times. What the heck? You can also set more search parameters than OkCupid, like body types, eye color (who cares about eye color?), height etc. that was ‘premium’ content on OkCupid, although most of the goodies are in their premium plans (which I am not going to pay for). Anway, after being on the site for around 30 minutes I found 5 girls who I am interested in, out of 200 or so girls or around 8-10 pages of potential ‘matches’. Out of those 5, I really like 3 and out of those three, I will (when I am finished here) message two of them something stupid. Like, “Hey how’s it going? You know how I got these guns (points to muscles)? By lifting children out of poverty” or something like that, ya know? Who knows? Maybe the dumber/weirder my messages are the more comfortable they will feel messaging me back. Let ya’ll know how it goes 😛

UPDATE 01/31/2015: Bad news, you have to subscribe if you want to message anyone, see who’s viewed your profile and see who’s liked it… (sigh). The good news though, a little less than 24 hours since creating my profile, I’ve already got 28 views, 4 likes and 1 favorite. That’s not too bad I think. When I was on OkCupid, it took a week for anyone to view me :/

UPDATE 02/3/2015: Signed up for POF (, another dating site) and in 24 hours received 2 views.


4 Replies to “Match Maker, Find Me A Match!”

  1. Lol! Love this post! Believe it or not I am still on AIM and Yahoo, and yes people still use A/S/L. Lol! I have tried out OkStupid and Match. I even met my ex on Eharmony. So yes if you’re willing to pay for a membership there are some good people you can find yourself matched with. Good Luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dang I did not know that! Maybe I’ll download AIM again and see if I can figure out my old sn haha. I am most likely going to try a one month thing just to satiate my curiosity. Maybe within 27 days I’ll find someone! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah its worth a shot! For what its worth I found Eharmony to be the best place. It was more in depth. But yeah AIM isn’t what it was though, I would try Paltalk. Its the best chat program right now. Have fun!

        Liked by 1 person

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