Confessions of a Mr. Brightside

Last night, like most nights, I could not sleep again. Not because I was being sad and pathetic and thinking about all the stuff from the nights before (no more!), no, not this time. This time, my thoughts were filled to the brim of two moments in my life; moments which, mind you, were the only two moments in my life, that a girl so beautiful, so incredibly fine, was able to make me so nervous, that made me so unsure of myself and sweat so damn much from places I had no idea I could sweat! Yes, that was what I was thinking about and that was why I couldn’t sleep. Of all the things my brain chose to pick, out of all the random shit in there, it chose this. So, this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down… and it goes a little something like this:

Moment #1
This happened when I first started highschool? I think? Anyway, so my dad and I were down at my aunties house because my cousins computer had crapped out. My dad was trying to fix it by installing new hardware and stuff in her room while I was outside in the living room watching tv. Then he calls me to her room and tells me “Here, you do it, put the hardware in and plug it in and troubleshoot it”. Basically, put the shit in and make it work while I go outside to do something else. Anyway, it just so happens that my cousins friend was chilling in her room at the time and I walk in, see her and, whoa, like Black Rob whoa, immediately I get all nervous. First time in my life a girls made me that nervous. I swear to God Barry’s voice was in my head and I can hear him saying ‘Whaaaat? What is this? Blood?’ I mean, yes I’ve been nervous before around other cute girls but it wasn’t as ‘bad’, I guess you could say, as this time. Well, I am pretty good with computers and putting things together and making it work, but for those 3 hours (actually 10 min) I was there trying to put her pc together I swear to God I did not know what I was doing for the life of me. I was dropping screws left and right, didn’t put the modem right etc… And I could feel her staring at me, thinking, ‘what the hell is he doing thats not how to put that in’. Or maybe not. Who knows. Yes I was nervous, got those sweaty palms and stuff, and the sad thing is I did not say one word! Nothing! So nervous I couldn’t look or say anything. Yes I know it seems really retarded years later thinking about it, but that was moment number 1, or missed opportunity number 1

Moment #2
Now this happened when I was going to CSULA. It was my second year and I was working at Juice it Up on campus with my homeboy Toan. Now before I went into work that day I had to go buy my books for next quarter. So I walk into the campus bookstore, find my books, 3 of them to be exact, and I wait in the long, long line to pay for my books. As I get closer to the front I’m looking around and like whoa, like Black Rob whoa, I shit you not, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen (ok ok maybe the second most beautiful) in my life is working the register. Well, this being years after the first girl to make me nervous I was thinking to myself, ‘allright, you got this dude, if you go to her register just talk with her a little bit, just do it’. So as I was waiting to pay for my books, I tried to see how many people were in front of me and who’s register I would most likely end up. So its my turn to pay (and this is the sad part) and the girl 2 registers away says “I can help the next customer” and I look at her and as I was about to walk over there with a sad face the girl I was hoping to go to said “I can help the next customer”. So, as I was taking 2 steps to the other cash register girl, I make a B line toward the other girl that I wanted to go to. And it was so obvious also that I wanted to go to her register (smh). I felt the other girl give me the stink eye I shit you not. Anyway, so ‘yeah Chris you got this just talk to her’. So I go up and she asks me how I’m doing and I shit you not I said ‘im good just chillin’. WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT when responding to ‘how are you doing?!’. Apparently me when I’m nervous as shit. After that akward business, 3 minutes later I had my books and no name and no number. I was so sad. So sad.

So I go into work and tell my homeboy about the most becautiful girl I have ever seen in my life and he says ‘dude, no way I don’t believe you, show me’. So after work we both go back to the bookstore (from here on she will forever be known as bookstore chick) to find her. Since I already bought my books and he already had his books we both just pretended to look for other books to buy. Went back and looked at the registeres and she wasn’t there. So we went upstairs to the books area and we were going through all the aisles just ‘looking‘ through each aisle pretending to look for books (but it was so obvios we weren’t). Then out of no where while we were talking about bookstore chick she fucking pops around the corner and asks us if we needed help finding our books. I shit you not we both had the most dumbass look on our face with our jaws open and after about 5 seconds of just staring we both said ‘no its cool’ and then she said ‘ok’ and left. Wow. Just wow. At least I’m not the only one that gets stupified around a really beautiful girl.

But no, that was not the end! I refuse! I made it a mission to find her and ask her out. From that day on, for two straight weeks I dressed up all hot and shit going to the bookstore, the foodcourt and just walking around randomly after class to find this bookstore chick. Life has a pretty fucked up sense of humor because of this: after 2 straight weeks of dressing up and looking good just so I could ‘bump’ into her and ask her out, I finally see her. ON THE DAY I DRESSED LIKE A SCRUB AND DIDN’T DO MY HAIR OR SHAVE. What. The. Fuck, life! I am sitting with my friend on one of those hand rails on a ramp just chilling till my next class literally talking about this girl and how I tried so hard to find her and just like that she comes walking up, hair blowing in the wind, blinding smile, up the ramp to her class. I see her, she sees me, though I don’t think she recognized me because of how retardedly scrubby I looked, she SMILES awkwardly at me probably because I was just staring at her with a retarded grin on my face. And that, my friends, was the end of that. She walked passed me to her class and I never saw her again. I gave up. How could I redeem myself after that embarassment? …missed opportunity number 2.
(if anyone reading this knows who she is, she worked at the bookstore as a temp from 05-06 school year, filipina, about 5’4, so beautiful, hmu hahahahahah jk…)
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The moral of these two stories? I believe in my life things happen in 3’s. If and when I meet another woman who just blows me away, makes me feel so nervous I forget everything about myself, makes me sweat fucking bullets for no damn reason whatsover, who makes me forget how to speak and literally puts a retarded grin on my face, I will be on her like white on rice. I don’t even care if I am just a pool of brown retardedness around her, I will not let her pass. Because people, when you want something so bad, you will do anything to make it happen. Maybe its the hopeless romantic in me but whoever this girl is, wherever she may be, we will find eachother one day. And when we do, I’m going to wife the shit outta you. So be ready. ❤

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