“Feelin like I’m famous, the talk of the town…” but not in a good way. Or maybe a good way, I guess it depends on how you look at it. Why? I made a new Facebook acct for obvious reasons and apparently a lot of people (well, to me its a lot haha) know what happened. Now they’re talkin about it, my whole family knows about it… People whom I haven’t talked to in years know about it and have messaged me something about it or at least asked what happened. When you are going, just, going through the motions of life for the past 7 years, people tend to get lost in those motions. But in the end, you can’t blame anyone for that happening, but your own… we choose who we let into our lives but most importantly we have to make a constant effort to keep them and vice versa. It’s like you ring the doorbell to someones house and they say “come in!” but they don’t open the door for you. So you open the door all curious and take one step in, waiting for them to come greet you, and they never do. It’s kind of like that. You let someone in your life but you don’t make an effort to keep them so they slowly back up and close the door and leave. Others though, close the door and wait to see if you are willing to open the door for them in the future. But, like my featured image says, “Old friends are like lego pieces…”, which is true.
I think Min Sok Chon is the best place to go to drink and catch up with friends. Why? Because they do not, I repeat, DO NOT bother you. Hahahaha yes, this is true, they don’t come by and ask you if you want more soju or food. Anyway, yesterday I met up with an old friend whom I haven’t seen in 7 years. We used to go to the becah and body board all the damn time and then suddenly shit happens and we go on our own paths, until yesterday. It was seriosly as if 7 years hadn’t passed by and we were catching up on a lot of things. I know that we both are going through a breakup but we are in two very different positions and we can give eachother insight and advice and relate to the situations we are both in. But damn, 7 years! As if nothing happened. I’m not gonna get into a sappy story about soju and life, but it is what it is. Glad we got to hang out and catch up and just talk. I haven’t talked, really, to anyone in a long while… even though my ex, who was my best friend, I couldnt even talk. What is this talk I keep talking about? Like there is regular conversation, like, “what’s up, how are you, oh man sorry to hear that, things will get better…” and theres talk like, “man that bitch is fucked up, thats tmi shit but im fine with that” and maybe a dick joke here and there… ok maybe those weren’t good examples. There is superficial talk and real talk, how about that. Haven’t had a real talk in years and got a lot of stuff off my chest and its nice to see there is someone else out there that agrees with me or even disagrees somewhat but can show me another way of thinkin about it. Of course a couple of sojus helped a little haha but hey idgaf. Then got some real talk from my cousin and her bf about my shit. Told me my shit and made me realize my shit. One thing that stuck with me though, one thing I hadn’t realized until yesterday, was how much they cared? maybe care isn the word… idk… but it was like, whoa, thats real shit right there… made me realize a lot of things I missed out on because of what I have been doing and where I have been. But I mean shit happens, life is life and you learn. You live, you learn and you carry on. And the what if’s! Fuck those what if’s! What if I did this, what if I went after her, what if I went to this party instead of staying home, what if I went to vegas instead of made excuses, what if I had only done this, done that… those damn what if’s know how to tear you apart… I’ll never know what would’ve happened, maybe it would’ve been great for me and I wouldn’t be in this situation now…but life happens. Fucking life… but you know, like we agreed on we all have our douchebag moments which everyone is entitled to ONE major douche moment. When we do something so incredibly retarded and look back on it 5-10 years later and realize, wow, that was fucked up, if I didn’t fuck up I wouldn’t be here. But we are here because we fucked up and we learn why we fucked up. I can say with 110% that I am not the same person I was 7 years ago; just wish it was more evident…Point is, people make time for who they want to make time for. People text and reply to people they want to talk to. Never believe anyone who says they’ve been too busy. If they wanted to be around you, they would. (Thanks to the homie for that quote). But real talk, it relates. 7 years I thought the only friend who I would ever need was her and let everyone else go. Fortunately family never leaves you, which I found out and friends on the fringes of your world float right back. Thankful and greatful to them, they won’t know how much it means it to me.
I wish that the good outweighed the bad, because it’ll never be over, until you tell me it’s over. These battle scars, don’t look like they’re fading, don’t look like they’re ever going away, they aren’t ever going to change