It’s so hard, to say goodbye

Have you ever had a moment of clarity? A kind of random, inexplicable thought at the most arbitrary of times? Maybe you are staring out of a car window or sipping on your coffee and BAM it just hits you? Well, I had that same realization, but not at one single moment. For a while now I’ve been playing around with the thought that this relationship I have isn’t good for me, isn’t healthy anymore. Then I would snap out of it and chastise myself, “What, no, psh, no way, how could you even think that?”. However, the more I thought of it the more it started to make sense. What started two years ago online blossomed into some of the best two years I could ever ask for. We became fast friends, having the same likes and dislikes. Exactly the same likes and dislikes, which was really rare to find nowadays. Like any relationship, the first few months were the greatest; I felt like I was king of the world! Seriously, there were many sleepless nights of us enjoying eachothers company, just randomly doing what we love to do. Sometimes I wouldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking of the things we could do. “Just one more“, I would think to myself. “It won’t hurt anyone, right?” RIGHT? And I then like a sailor being drawn to a siren’s song, I would succumb to those thoughts and forgo sleep just to do it ‘one more time‘. One more time! Yeah. Right. One more time became just one more, then its ok, we’ll stop at a certain time, then we’ll stop when were done, shit! Oh man… Then came the hard times. It usually began rather innocuously at first: we would be working as a team overcoming any and all obstacles. Then it started. The wall. The point where we could no longer do what had planned to do. The annoyance, the aggravation, the frustration was real son! Sometimes I would ge so pissed off that I began to play the blame game. I know now that it wasn’t fair that I engaged in that type of behavior, but in that moment that was all I could do. It wasn’t my fault that shit happened. How could it be ever? I did everything right only to be rewarded with nothing?! Then I realized that it wasn’t worth it anymore. I couldn’t live like this for the rest of my life. After recognizing that this was bullshit, I would leave and make it clear that I wasn’t coming back, ever, only to come crawling back hours later with puppy dog eyes begging to take me back just so we could do the same thing over and over again. My God, what happened to me! I thought I was smarter than this? But now, enough is enough. It is time I said goodbye and cut off our 2 year relationship. I refuse to keep it going. This toxic, demanding, frustrating relationship tug of war, of taking breaks and pretending that nothing happened, was not worth it any longer. So my moment of clarity is here, this Monday morning January 5th, 2015. As I sip on my coffee, I sever the ties that have bound us for the last 2 years. Today I am no longer addicted. So I say goodbye, to you, my Xbox 360 Slim w/ 100g HDD. You will go back in the box you came in from Amazon and will be stored in my closet. Maybe I’ll pass you off to another hapless shmuck who needs you. Who knows. At least now I know I am free. FREE! Don’t worry, 3ds and Vita, you are next. Probably. Maybe. Help.

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